I wish self-love was as easy as breathing, as easy as loving my children, but for me it’s not. If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and found fault with everything looking back at you, this post is for you.
I don’t remember where or when it started. It seems so ingrained to my being, like my brown hair, my freckles, my brown eyes. I think that voice has been a part of my inner conscience from inception. But why does she ALWAYS have to be so negative? Why is it that every day she can take a moment and mar it with her rude attitude?
For me, it’s not even just that voice of negativity and what she does to the lack of body image I already have- it’s what she takes away from during my everyday life. She takes enjoyment from taking pictures of every day events with my family, getting ready for a special event, getting dressed to take my kiddo to school. She is there just as sure as there is air to breathe.
Sometimes I have a conversation in my head where I’m telling that other voice to back off and that she is not going to ruin this moment in time. Somehow we get through part and by the end she is back to her old nagging ways.
So how do you turn it off? How do you say enough is enough and get that voice to mute? How do you turn on the self love and positivity?
I literally have moments where I look at myself in the mirror and say “Hey, you have worked SO HARD! You are smaller than you were in 6th grade. You can run A MILE (actually more, but in school I could never do that). You’ve given birth to two beautiful boys who love you. And you’re married to a guy that adores you.” If I’m good enough for them, why can’t I be good enough for me.
Why do I let numbers on a scale define me? What does my pant an shirt size have to do with my self worth? If I were a size 8, 6, 4, 2, 0, would I be able to love myself then? How about if I weighed 160 lbs? 150? 140? Could I love myself then? Would I be enough then?
No. I know the answer though I can rationalize the why. I know I have to make self love a part of my daily routine. The problem is just getting that voice in my head to start sticking. I would never say or think these things about anyone else, so why do I think them about me? I hope one day I overcome this. I hope that I have more good days than bad. I hope I can look at myself in the mirror and be glad I’m wearing clean underwear and brushed my teeth, if those are the only positive things I accomplished that day. I hope I can remember that life is a journey, a collection of moments, where the positive light can outshine the negative self doubt.
If you raised your hand, I assure you you are not alone. You are brave. You are beautiful. You are a light in this world.